When Your Relationship Feels Stuck at a Crossroads
Sometimes couples reach a painful place where one partner is unsure about continuing the relationship while the other still hopes things can improve.
If this is where you find yourselves, it may be time to slow the conversation down and look more carefully at what’s happening in the relationship.
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured process designed specifically for couples in this situation. It helps you step out of repetitive, exhausting conversations and move toward greater clarity about what comes next.
Discernment Counseling is not couples therapy. The purpose is not to solve the problems in the marriage, but to help you decide whether those problems are workable.
You Might Be a Good Fit If…
- You and your partner are not on the same page about the future
- One of you is seriously questioning the relationship
- Conversations about divorce keep going in circles
- You feel stuck and unsure what to do next
- You want clarity before making a major decision
You do not have to arrive in agreement to begin this process.
The Goal of Discernment Counseling
The focus of Discernment Counseling is clarity and confidence, not immediate problem-solving.
Together, we work toward helping you gain:
- A clearer understanding of how the relationship reached this point
- Insight into each partner’s contributions to the current patterns
- A more grounded sense of your options
- Greater confidence about what direction to take
By the end of the process, couples typically choose one of three paths:
Path One: Keep things as they are, at least for now Path Two: Continue toward separation or divorce Path Three: Commit to six months of focused couples therapy
There are no “good guys” or “bad guys” in this process. Both partners are treated with care and respect, regardless of where each of you currently stands.
What Sessions Look Like
You will come in together as a couple, but much of the most important work happens in individual conversations within the session.
This structure allows each partner space to speak openly and reflect honestly, especially when emotions and goals may be quite different.
During the process, we will:
- Slow down reactive patterns
- Look carefully at the story of your relationship
- Explore what has and hasn’t been working
- Identify each partner’s role in the current dynamic
- Consider whether the problems in the marriage are workable
- Clarify what each of you wants moving forward
Even when couples ultimately decide to separate, many people leave this process feeling more grounded and less reactive about the road ahead.
Structure & Length
Discernment Counseling is brief and focused:
- Maximum of five sessions
- First session is 2 hours
- Follow-up sessions are 1.5 hours
Many couples reach clarity in fewer than five sessions.
When Discernment Counseling Is Not the Right Fit
This process may not be appropriate when:
- One partner has already made a final decision to divorce
- One partner is being pressured or coerced to attend
- There is ongoing domestic violence or safety concerns
If you’re unsure whether this service fits your situation, we can sort that out during a brief consultation.
Not Sure What You Need?
- If both partners are ready to actively work on the relationship, couples therapy is usually the better starting point.
- If you are not on the same page about whether the relationship can or should continue, Discernment Counseling was designed for exactly this moment.
Frequently Asked Questions
How is Discernment Counseling different from couples therapy?
Discernment Counseling is designed for couples who are uncertain about the future of the relationship.
In traditional couples therapy, both partners are typically willing to work on the relationship. Here, we focus first on helping you decide whether couples therapy makes sense.
Will you try to talk us into staying together?
No.
My role is not to push you toward staying together or separating. My role is to help each of you look carefully and honestly at your situation so you can make a thoughtful decision.
What if I’m already leaning toward divorce?
Discernment Counseling can still be helpful if you are questioning the relationship but open to reflection.
If you have already made a final decision and are no longer open to considering the relationship, this process is usually not the best fit.
Fees
Discernment Counseling is a specialized private-pay service.
- Initial session (2 hours): $375
- Follow-up sessions (1.5 hours): $275
Insurance is not accepted for Discernment Counseling.
Next Step
If your relationship feels stuck and you’re unsure what to do next, a brief consultation is the best place to start.